Why Artists Do What We Do.

Musicians are probably some of the most misunderstood people on the planet. We do not consciously decide to be laughed at and discouraged when we talk about our aspirations to make a living at making music. Nor do we expect to have to explain why we should be paid for doing what we do as professionals, Doctors and lawyers don't have to justify why they are to be paid. We don't look forward to strangers looking at us like aliens or crossing to the other side when they see us perform on the street. We don't plan on having to take on meaningless side jobs because we can't get paid for the work we do or in some cases forgo our dreams all together to get a "real job". 
Far too often, many artists did not and do not learn the business and when opportunities arise, they are unprepared and uneducated and often get caught up in bad business deals and get taken financially. In addition, appearance and age in America are more portrayed on television as being more important than the art. As a result, many talented and deserving artists go unrecognized and unrewarded.
I don't believe that artists are made, we are chosen by the Most High to view and communicate our views to the world through tapestry eyes; seeing a blank canvas and being able to see a multi colored tapestry. Everyone has special gifts, ours is to communicate our views of the world through sound. Most artists that I know are driven to create their music whether they want to or not. Its an innate obsession that dictates where we live, who we marry, when we eat, when we sleep and who our friends are.
For many artists the desire to create supersedes the need to understand and even engage in the business of music, so we sacrifice the monetary benefits for the spiritual benefits which can never be assessed in dollars; the smiles we bring to a child's face who is seeing herself in us; the fan who comes up to us after a show to tell us how they loved that song because it was about them; the warm fuzzy feeling that people get when the stars align and everything is right in the world while they are lost in the vibe of the song; the power of music to motivate people to move, change and grow.
There is no way to quantify why we do what we do. It is what is. So we try to coexist in a world where we are often ridiculed, misunderstood, targeted, mistreated and alienated. We seek out others who are like us and gain hope from the ones who get it and love us because of it. Love, Peace and Hairgrease! Shadow

Sometimes Tomorrow Doesn't Come.

This had been an interesting week. I have been more aware than usual of how we interact with each other. I would to share a few of my observations. One, as I get older I find that people seem less motivated and inclined to invest in developing and nurturing relationships. It seems easier to blow each other off with excuses than it is to be honest and straighforward. It seems that it is easier to justify behavior by blaming what we do on what someone else does. Recently, I experienced several interactions with people in different environments and circumstances and yet I walked away feeling the same bad taste in my mouth. I approached a "brother" in my church about feeling as if he were ducking me at church and distancing himself from me. We shared interests in music and college, so when I called him we talked on the phone about things. I noticed that I was calling him and he wasn't calling me. when I stopped calling him, he did not call me and it seemed that the only time we spoke in church was when I approached him. I couldn't help but notice this behavior, so after a few weeks I asked if I had done something to him unknowingly to make him act this way toward me. He shared that I had not done anything to him and he was unaware of his behavior and was sorry. He also stated that he saw himself becoming distant from other friends and they from him. We talked about the importance of investing in friendships in order to develop and sustain them. We decided to meet for coffee. We grabbed Starbucks and Subway, laughed talked and we went to a bible study that he had invited me to attend with him. The hosts were very nice and I learned a lot. We agreed to meet the following Friday for Bible Study. I did not attend or call to say I was not going to attend. Nor did he or the study leaders call me to find out why I did not attend or call. I was wrong for not calling and blowing them off. I did not plan to do it, but during the week I remembered a previous commitment and instead of calling to let them know I did not. As the week passed into a new week, I thought about calling but did not. In part because I became preoccupied with other things and the other reason was because I did not want to come across as irresponsible, even though I was being irresponsible and inconsiderate. I do not know why no one felt motivated to call and see what happened to me or to see if I needed encouragement or support. I called one "sister" in church after hearing that she was having severe back trouble. I left a message on her answering machine to left her know she was in my thoughts and prayers. She never returned my call. Perhaps she was too ill to call me back. My co-worker ended up falling and injuring her back at our job twice in the last 7 months. She was out for a few months and returned a few weeks ago and fell last week again. I called her twice in the last week to see how she was doing. She had not returned my calls, yet other co-workers report speaking to her. We talked and maintained an open line of communication when she was out before so I had no reason to think that we would not talk now. Perhaps she has decided that she does not want to talk to me or she is too ill and must prioritize who she talks to. I had a recent meeting with an arts administrator with the hope of partnering to develop performing arts opportunities for myself and others. We talked about what I do and what I bring to the table and we talked about what the organization was and hoped to do and how I could be a part of this. I am a paying member of the organization and wanted to be active. She assured me that we could "make it happen" because these ideas that she was fact working on. Upon agreeing to what I thought was an opportunity to work together I extended my hand and said  something to the effect of  "Its a deal." She looked at me and then my hand and pulled back and said "Whats that?". I explained that being a business woman at heart, I am prone to forge a partnership with a handshake. This is a symbol of commitment. After this she told me that she would need to run this by her director. The same proposal that she herself told me that she was already implementing. I wondered if she heard what she had in fact told me and if she realized that I heard what she told me. In each of these instances, I wondered about a few things. Why is it so difficult for us to say what we mean and mean what we say?  Why is it so difficult for us to be honestly considerate? Are we so concerned about hurting each others feelings that we feel that need to be evasive and or dishonest? Are we so inconsiderate of each other that we don't respect each other enough to be even bother? Are we so self absorbed and or preoccupied with the next thing that we just don't take the time to invest in the moment and the individual?

A week ago, my 28 year old daughter and I had a disagreement. We had been having the same discussion about faith, money, employment and patience for what seems like forever. We have drastically different views on how she addresses these issues in her life. she often calls me hard and unsympathetic. As a result, I have encouraged her to agree to disagree. I attribute my views to being older and having more life experience and wisdom than she does. She did not like what I had to say last week and for the umpteenth time she hung up in my face. I thought about this for a moment and I realized that if I called her back she could avoid me by not answering the phone. I was used to this behavior, but I did not like it or appreciate it. I wanted her to understand the gravity of her actions, so I texted her and reminded her that she would not dare hang up on her "godmother", but she regularly does it to me. This mere action seemed to provoke the following: failure to return my phone calls; not going to church with me; not allowing me contact with my grandchild; failing to inform me that she did not need me to watch my grandchild and as a result I went to pick her up from the after school program and she was gone and lastly not talking to her 9 year old brother for about a week. There are two sides to every story and the truth. I am presenting my observations and posing questions to ponder. I am a hopeless optimist. I do not believe in the word can't and my motto is "No excuses accepted." I also believe that for every action there is a reaction. I don't treat people the way I want to be treated, I aspire to treat people right because its the right thing for me to do. I believe in karma; what goes around comes around and who you step on to get to the top can be the same person you need to help you get up when you fall to the bottom. I live my life based on these principles, pray for guidance, seek support from others and say I am sorry when I believe that I should. I do not believe in try, I either do or I don't, one thing at a time, one day at a time. I am old enough to realize that tomorrow is not promised and I have learned the hard way that sometimes tomorrow doesn't come. I am not guaranteed the opportunity to right a wrong or give a hug or tell someone how much they mean to me just because I want it to be so. I remember being 10 and being very angry with my father for spanking me for something that my step brother had done. I was my fathers only child; his little princess and I could not imagine how he could have spanked me. He spanked my step brother too, but that was not the point. That night I sat in the tub and cried and mumbled that "I hated my Daddy" and my stepmother walked in to the bathroom and told me that I should not say this. That was the last time I saw my father alive. I lived with my mother during the week and with my dad and other family on the weekends. I did not know it, but my father had Hotchkins Disease. he died without notice at the age of 33. I started drinking alcohol at the age of 10 and would carry that guilt and drink and drug over it for many years. I wished I had not said what I said. I wished that I did not hold a grudge. I wished, I wished , I wished. I believe that life is to be lived to the fullest. Relationships are gems to be cherished and held in high regard. The greatest gift one human can give to another are pieces of themselves; their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their joys. their laugh, their tears, their happiness, their anger, their truth, their respect and their love.  The best gift I can give to treat these like the priceless gifts that they are. Peace, Love and Hairgrease until next time. Shadow.

The Importance of Being Connected to a Good Crew.

I remember the first time I knew I wanted to be a Rock Star. I was 10 years old and I was watching either Midnight  Special or American Bandstand and there was a woman singing. I don't remember exactly what song she wads signing, but I do remember how she looked and how it made me feel. She had long brown, straight hair almost down to her butt. She wore a white glittery dress and heels. I was amazed by her voice; the range, the power, the feeling. Her presence dominated the stage. As I listened to her sing, I was overwhelmed with emotion and it felt like water running through my blood stream. I had never felt this feeling before and only hoped that I would feel it again. It was at the moment that I knew I wanted to have this kind of power to make others feel the way she made me feel. From that moment on I started singing and making music. My parents told me I could anything I set my mind to so when I said I wanted to play guitar and sing, my mother bought me my first guitar and a tape recorder for Christmas. I started listening and playing my guitar to records. Since I was born, I remember hearing music of all types; country music from Glen Campbell and Bobby Gentry; soul music from Little Anthony and The Imperials; girl groups like the Chiffons; songbirds Laura Nero and Labelle; rock music by The Beatles; pop music by the Jackson 5 and The Osmonds. Many years later I am still as passionate and thrilled about my music.
Unfortunately having a dream in and or itself is not enough to make it come true. I cite my evolution from amateur to professional singer the day I was first paid to sing. There would be many payments, opportunities, merch sales and tips since that day in 1987 and part of my success and continued growth has come from being part of a "good crew". A good crew is a few people who you can share your dreams and hopes with and they with you. You support and encourage each other and share resources, opportunities and information. Your crew mates are honest with you and respectful of you. You and your crew mates share a vision and mutual ambition around your goals. Good crew mates believe in you even when you have difficulty believing in yourself. Good crew members stick together in good and bad times.
In order to be connected to a good crew, one needs to be a good crew member. No one succeeds by themselves and for every success I experienced, for every lesson learned, for every fear I overcame, there was someone beside me all the way. 

A License To Abuse.

What do we do when those closest to us take advantage of our kindness? Mistreat us? Disrespect us? Situations as simple as offering to babysit until a certain time, but your relative comes back extremely late, doesn't call and has an attitude. Perhaps you loan a friend money or co-sign for an apartment and they don't pay you back or they fail to keep the lease agreement and you are stuck paying their bill and end up with bad credit. Possibly you have experienced having someone "borrow" something from you without asking and then when you ask them about it, they get defensive and act as if you did something wrong by asking about it. It's at these moments that four responses typically come to mind; scratching your head in confusion and surprise at the gall of this person; Wanting to scream and holler and try to explain to the person how badly they have hurt you and why;Wanting to flip out and give them a beat down and lastly praying for forgiveness and understanding. I put prayer last not because it is the least important, but as a spiritual being having a human experience, I often respond with my human feelings first and then connect with the God in me. I wish I could say that these situations are isolated incidents and that they are easy to deal with because they don't happen very often, but not! Unfortunately these interactions with family and friends seem to becoming more frequent and more acceptable as evidenced by these reality talk, divorce, family and court shows; increased violence among family members; bad business deals and on and on. I am not sure why there seems to be such a break down of respect, consideration and yes even love, but I do know that it makes society worse, not better. I know that not all incidents are intention,but I do believe that each individual in their sound mind is is the controller of their own actions. I believe that in a sound mind, we understand the difference between right and wrong and good and bad. I also believe that in our sound minds we know how painful emotional hurt can be and if it hurts to us, it is quite possible it will hurt for someone else. It seems as if there is more acting before thinking. The typical response for getting caught in bad behavior is to apologize, but I believe that if we know enough to know that it is wrong, hurtful, unethical, etc. than we know enough not to do it to begin with. My father told me that if I did not stand for something, I would fall for anything. My mother told me that what ever is in the dark will come to the light. The blind cannot lead the blind, so if you don't want to fall and break your neck when you enter a dark room, turn the light on before you go in and let the light shine so all can see. Peace.